I Remember
by Chibi Hikari No Yume
Summary: Trowa remembers events that ripped apart his life.


A little one-shot I found in my older notebook. Very angsty, sorry. I wrote I sixth grade.

'I remember, before he killed himself, Heero had told me a story. It was a story of what caused the 'curse' of the Gundams. I think I shall tell you. You might care. If not, there are more whom might listenï¼

Heero had stepped into the light as Relena gasped, realizing who was in her room.

"Heero," she had whispered. She was clad in a nightshirt, huddling in her silken bed. Heero had stood on her balcony. His gun was in his hand, with the safety off, and the trigger was waiting.

"You are no longer the Colonies hope. The war is over. Pacifism seems attainable now. No one needs an advocate when something seems plausible, only for an impossible thing. Now I may kill you, and I must. For I do not lie. Goodbye! Remember to tell me what hell is like!" When he said this, he pulled the trigger. Relena had screamed, more of understanding and regret than pain, he told me.

By the time Zechs and Noin had come running, Heero had disappeared like a bit of fog at noon-time. Relena died almost instantaneously. Noin had screamed for Pagan, and Zechs had sat numbly, the meaning of the scene not sinking in. That's the end of his part.

Now for my bit. At the funeral, Heero had sat in the front row. Zechs was sobbing then, I remember. Wufei had comforted him, and Noin as well. Duo, Quatre, and I knew as well as Heero why Relena died. Dorothy kept silent, not even greeting us. Maybe she knew. But then again, maybe not. The cameras at the funeral were amazing. Since Relena had been so influential, it was being broadcasted everywhere.

Afterwards, we Gundam pilots went to our base from the time.

'Were you spotted, Heero?' Duo had asked casually. I wanted to strangle him then and there.

'No,' Heero had replied, 'No. This was a mission. Everything went smoothly.' Then he drifted off into memories.

Wait. I never told you how this story started. My apologies. Heero had received a mission, like any other mission, on a Monday. You wouldn't have been able to tell it was any different than all the rest, from the outside. A white envelope, no return address, no stamp.

It said something like, 'Pilot 01, Assassination mission. Target: Relena Peacecraft. To be executed by next Sunday.' Duo had grabbed it out of his hands when he had almost dropped it. Duo stared at it, uncomprehending, as well. Heero had stormed out violently and we didn't see him until after the mission.

Now I will continue. Zechs had visited later. Heero and he had cried together, though for different reasons. Zechs, for the sister he had lost twice, Heero, because of his nightmares. Later, Duo said that Heero had no reason to cry. I kind of lost my temper then, and had said, 'All warriors must cry sometimes. Whether it be for a loved one, or an enemy. You cried for your nun and priest friends, Wufei for Meiran. Quatre cried for his father he didn't much like, and I for parents I never knew. You can never say that anyone affected by war does not have reason to cry.'

Eventually, things had kind of sunk into a pattern. Heero would have a nightmare, and end up on one of our floors. The first time it happened to me, I almost killed him when I woke up and heard someone else's breathing. Usually, he was found in Duo's room. In daytime, everyone ignored it. Finally, we moved Heero's bed into the same room as Duo's. Heero had finally had to go to a psychiatrist to get sedatives because he was hurting Duo when his dream turned ugly. Since we weren't sure if he was suicidal or not, I got to administer the medicine to make sure he didn't kill himself.

But I didn't watch him close enough. I knew he was going to try to commit suicide, but I didn't try to prevent it too hard. On the anniversary of Relena's death, Heero had decided enough was enough. He had slipped off silently, and we didn't think much of it. But when he didn't return after a half hour, Duo went to look for him. He had found him hanging from the rafters, noose tight around his neck. When Duo screamed, we all stumbled into the room where he was. Quatre and Duo were both crying, I think I remember. I don't know what Wufei did, but I know I saw the piece of paper grasped in Heero's hand.

It had said, 'I have decided that I have lingered here long enough. People have called me the Angel of War, so, like an angel, I will now flee towards a haven that I shall be denied entrance to. Maybe I shall see the God of Death there someday. Remember when you made me laugh by blowing up our kitchen, Duo? Remember when I made you laugh, Trowa? Remember when I lost to you in a sword fight, Wufei? Remember when I knocked out Iria because she wouldn't leave you alone, Quatre? Remember the good times, not the bad. I have lingered long enough. Good-bye, my friends.

I can't remember who called the ambulance, but Quatre told me once that I did. The autopsy told us that he had drunk enough poison to drop an elephant. I was amazed he managed to hang himself too, after taking that much.

So there was another funeral. It was small, for no one really liked the Gundam pilots. They honored us, but they also feared us. Some said they were glad one of us died. That nearly made Wufei go berserk.

Soon, spring came once again. Six months after Heero died, Duo asked me to accompany him onto the roof. I knew what he was planning, but yet I followed. Maybe if I had refused, things would have been different. Oh well, you shouldn't dwell in the past. When we arrived, Duo pulled out his revolver.

'Trowa,' he had said, 'You know I could take you with me.' I had shook my head. No, there was only one death that night. He had pulled the trigger, and fell backwards, landing on the pavement with a dull thud. I almost feel sorry for the woman in the car passing by.

One more funeral, one more grave.

Quatre died on his birthday. He took some pills and never woke up. It reminded me of Shakespeare. 'ï¼To die, to sleepï¼' I won't talk about that. Quat's family was devastated. They had lost their son and heir.

Wufei died a traditional Japanese suicide. By shoving a sword through his gut. Really bloody, I'm glad I didn't witness that one.

After that, I went to work with my sister, Catherine at the circus. The missions had stopped coming after Duo's death, they had the Preventers to do what they needed.

Once upon a time, I promised Midii Une that I would never commit suicide. I promised Cathy the same thing every night. They say when you die, your life flashed before your eyes. I wonder what I will see. Will I see the people I have killed? Or the ones I love? I guess I shall find out. Everyone asks me now whether or not I am a Gundam pilot. I guess we have become a sort of legend. Our names are in textbooks now. I saw it once, in one of Cathy's children's books. They got a detention when they told their teacher I was their uncle. I had to go to their school and straighten everything out.

In retrospect, a rope, a gun, some poison, and a katana was all it took to kill the 'best soldiers the world has every seen', as some put it. You expected something more extradordinary, right? But I'm still alive. People could hate me, the last reminder of the brutal Eve wars, but most don't. You don't, do you? That's why you're here, at the Preventer's office on Mars.

I came here after a year at the circus. Cathy and her family live here too. They welcomed me with open arms and I am happy. Now a war is brewing again. Only five years, and already people have forgotten. I wonder if some person will find plans for the Gundams again. The very same Gundams that ruined the lives of five young boys. I will probably be asked to pilot again, if they are found by someone of the space sect. After all, it is no secret I work here. You found me. But wait, I see something growing in your eyes. Don't you dare think that piloting a Gundam is just fun. It is stressful and difficult.

I have said enough, don't you think? If you want to know more, look in that book you are carrying. 'The Lives of the Gundam Pilots: Eve War Saviors'. I remember that one. I have a copy of it. I actually have a copy of every book written about us. You want to see them? Come to my apartment. You found me here, find that as well.

Oh, I have a mission now. Good-bye, you should leave now as well. Don't get lost!"

---------

CHNY: Lovely, wasn't it? I changed it a bit, from my notebook, but I like that the whole thing is Trowa talking! Did you guess who it was?

JESUSGIRL: Hey all! Okay, I remember when this silly baka wrote this story. It made me sad at first, and it still makes me sad.


End file.
